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According to most massage therapists, muscles should be massaged whenever they become so stiff that they bend any crowbars used to beat them mercilessly. Rather than test for this condition, skip to the cure with today’s Groupon: for $35, you get $70 worth of massage services at Essential Life Therapy in Wallingford.

Founded by two students of the Brenneke School of Massage, Essential Life Therapy pampers its clients with the devoted attention of a cupboard genie. A team of trained practitioners relax tight muscles and clear corpuses of long-standing political tension using a variety of different massage services (all $70; $65 for reiki). Clients can relax under the classic Swedish, push out persistent pains and imbedded javelins with a deep-tissue massage, or try something new with a reflexology or Reiki—a Japanese form that employs gentle touches to heal the body physically, emotionally, and spiritually. All massages begin with a foot-calming bath that doesn’t count as a single minute in your full hour of manual bliss.

When the treatment concludes, Essential Life Therapy reenergizes loosy-goosied clients by offering them a plate piled high with orange slices, chocolate, and water. Visitors are also welcome to apply their Groupon toward extended massage services (up to 90 minutes) or massage series (up to six massages) and pay the difference. Call ahead to set up an appointment at Essential Life Therapy.

Groupon Says

I'm with Child, Stupid

If you're pregnant, I hope you like being forced to play laser tag.

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If the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, then disheveled hair provides the least efficient route for climbing monkeys to reach the bananas in your fruit hat. Today's Groupon tames tresses for easy scaling: for $125, you get your choice of a Japanese straightening treatment or a Brazilian keratin treatment (up to a $450 value) at Paradise Salon in Des Moines. You also get a free deep-conditioning treatment ($45 value) with your Groupon, as well as 10% off haircare products.

Paradise Salon specializes in two of the most cutting-edge strand-straightening techniques, and a visit to the chic space promises to leave your tresses appropriately relaxed and manageable for upcoming beachfront hair twirls and beach parties with visiting dignitaries. A 90-minute Brazilian keratin treatment ($200–$400) coats each shaft of your hair in a nutrient-rich layer of protective protein goodness, eliminating frizz and smoothing cuticles. Paradise's stylists will then blow-dry and flat-iron your locks, re-proteinize, and rinse and blow-dry again. Free of harsh chemicals, your new, smooth, and lovely radiance lasts up to 12 weeks and can be washed and dried without dulling damage. Best of all, you'll cut your blow-dry time in half and need less hair product to achieve a stellar, shiny set of strands. The more permanent Japanese straightening treatment ($250–$450) chemically loosens the hair's protein bonds and, with the help of a pressure iron, reshapes them into a stick-straight and easy-to-manage style that lasts for up to 12 months.

Owning a clean, shiny, and well-kept head of hair sends a message to passing postal workers and circling biplanes that you care about providing a nice view for those whose line of sight you wander into on a daily basis. Apply this deal toward your next mane makeover, or gift this Groupon to a frizzy-haired friend in need of a relaxer after getting struck by one lightning bolt too many. Call ahead to schedule an appointment at Paradise Salon.

Groupon Says

Better Flatter

Why do all of life's worst moments happen in 3-D?

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Ferries have become popular sightseeing vessels ever since they stopped requiring passengers to swim alongside so that they could pack in more cars. Enjoy the ride to glorious sightseeing with today's Groupon: up to 51% off a sightseeing tour from Kitsap Tours. Choose from three tours:

• $48 for the Bainbridge Island/Kitsap Peninsula Tour (a $97 value, including tax)
• $32 for the Bloedel Reserve Tour (a $64 value, including tax)
• $53 for the Kitsap Photo Safari Tour (a $106 value, including tax)

Once you've picked your Kitsap adventure, you'll be whisked away by Washington State Ferry, which departs from downtown Seattle (ferry fare from Seattle to Bainbridge not included), and then in turn be whisked away aboard Kitsap's new luxury touring minibus—equipped with reclining leather seats and a rear compartment for any purchases you make. Every trip is subject to whale sightings (though not every tour is subject to whale attacks), and guests should prepare to gasp with the force of 1,000 unfrozen cavemen at the breathtaking mountain, ocean, and wildlife views that accompany each crossing.

The Bainbridge Island/Kitsap Peninsula Tour gives tour-takers seven hours to take in the small-town charm of Bainbridge and the history behind Port Gamble, an old company timber town, and Suquamish, the original home of Chief Seattle, as well as Poulsbo, a small town of Norwegian heritage on Liberty Bay. The Bloedel Reserve Tour takes you to the famous reserve on the northern end of Bainbridge Island, where the rugged natural beauty of the Pacific Northwest blends with fascinating groomed landscapes, including an internationally known Japanese garden. You'll also tour the visitor center, a stately, French-inspired country home whose library is packed with quaint, bound, paper reading devices that smell like library books. Both the Bainbridge and Bloedel tours give you the option to take the ferry back to Seattle at day's end or spend extra hours, even stay overnight, on Bainbridge Island for shopping, dining, kayaking, evading smoke monsters, and other island activities.

A local photographer leads the Kitsap Photo Safari to some of the best places on the peninsula for taking pictures of the spectacular landscape, timing each stop to ensure optimal lighting. The day ends with a wine tasting, during which the small group of shutterbugs can discuss their day's work over sips of Type A grape blood. Bring a camera and turn your computer wallpaper into an epic backdrop with today's Groupon to Kitsap Tours.

Ferry fare from Seattle to Bainbridge is not included, although the cost of the return trip is.

Groupon Says

Primp My Ride

With all the ease, quality, and comfort you'd expect from James Madison's femur.

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Though mad scientists recommend sticking chopsticks into electric sockets, rational scientists know the utensils are better used for electrifying sushi consumption. Today's Groupon gives you the right tools for authentic eats: for $24, you get $50 worth of modern Japanese cuisine at Rain Sushi, located in the Wallingford neighborhood. This Groupon is not valid for happy hour, which runs from 5 p.m. to 6 p.m. Tuesday through Saturday and all day Sunday and Monday.

Modern Japanese cuisine lovers will find a plethora of artfully served sushi, noodles, and seafood at Rain Sushi. Impatient tummies can start with Jimmy's rain drops ($8.50), a salmon-wrapped crab complemented with jalapeños and tobiko. From there, annihilate the craving for rice and shrimp with the Sasquatch roll ($10), served with avocado, tuna, and teriyaki sauce. Sushi traditionalists can stick to the California roll ($8), or choose "dare" and order the ultimate dragon roll ($15), a California roll topped with half an eel. Tempura maki options include the rock 'n' roll ($8), with crab, cream cheese, and avocado, so tasty it compels some diners to play long acid-jazz drum solos with their chopsticks. Once it's in down the hatch, bathe sushi in one of Rain's seven sakés, such as the chilled Asian-pear Momokawa ($6 for a glass).

Surrounded by modernist Japanese wall art, diners will nosh in style, knowing Rain's easygoing, savvy staff is on call to ease the process for any seaweed novice who can't tell sashimi from a Saskatchewan sausage.

Groupon Says

Unhealthy Sushi to Roll With

If you say "That's just how we roll" one more time, you're fired.

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For $20, today's brazenly bronzed side deal gets you an organic, golden tan (a $40 value) at My Flawless Tan in Kirkland, a CityVoter Top 5 Tanning Salon. The 20-minute bronzing dip is applied with an airbrush, instantly betanning and depaling the body with an organic Scentual Sun formula—unlike traditional tanning, which is derived from the wholly inorganic hydrogen fusion of the sun.

Once you've stripped down to undies or birthday suit (the spa also supplies disposable thongs), owner and former Seahawks cheerleader Sequoia Leopold and her team of technicians will artistically apply a paraben-free, 100%-organic shower of skin-bronzing goodness to bless your epidermis with aloe vera, vegetable-derived glycerin, white-tea extract, grapefruit-seed extract, citric acid, and the darkest bronzing and tanning compound available outside the Japanese black market. Before coming in for an appointment, remember to shower, shave, wax, and balance and rotate your limbs. Do not apply lotions or moisturizers to the skin before a spray tan, as these can form a Steel Curtain against the running game that tanning formulas rely on. Become the sun goddess in your neighborhood cargo cult's mythology with today's side deal.

This Groupon is only valid at the Kirkland location and not valid toward tax.

Groupon Says

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Oscar Wilde famously quipped, "All art is quite useless," after numerous failed attempts to brush his teeth with the Venus de Milo. Today's Groupon similarly removes the utility of ancient fishing technology to leave only the exquisite beauty behind. For $20, you get $40 worth of handcrafted glass floats from bellaballs. This Groupon is good for in-store or online purchases. Today's Groupon does not apply toward shipping.

Originally used by Japanese fishermen to keep their nets from sinking, glass floats would frequently escape their netting and be found by treasure seekers on the beach. Two such treasure seekers were Bellaballs' co-founders, glass artist Diane Hansen and designer Lesli Jacobs-McHugh, who quickly became fascinated by the strikingly gorgeous glass orbs and began making their own as decorative items. Today, each bellaball is a hand-blown glass orb individually made by local artisans. Available in 77 rich colors, Classic bellas ($40) all come stamped with a fig leaf gilded in sterling silver. Signature bellas ($40), meanwhile, can be customized with nine stamp designs—including a baby pram, a lucky horseshoe, and a pineapple—to commemorate occasions such as a birth, a new job, or successfully swallowing an entire pineapple.

Each bella appears to be delicate, but is actually quite strong—a message Lesli and Diane consider a symbolic reminder of both the fortitude of the human spirit and the clumsiness of the human fingers. Practice juggling and woo the tight-panted goblin king of your dreams with a few beautiful balls from bellaballs.

This Groupon is available for in-store purchases starting any time, and may be used for online purchases beginning July 17.

Groupon Says

The Mysteries of Glass

Why do we keep making glass eyes when we know they don't work?

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Grain, like meat, is one of the few food groups meant to be gulped, not chewed. Gulp your way to grainy goodness with today's deal: for $15, you get $30 worth of gastropub fare and drinks at the Harmon Brewery and Restaurant, located on Pacific Avenue in downtown Tacoma's Museum and University District.

Harmon's low-key blend of gastropub and brewery infuses the comfortable, friendly vibe of a casual restaurant with the hoppy aroma and blood-alcohol content of a working brewery. Brewing everything onsite, Harmon's plies beer connoisseurs with five flagship ales and a rotating cast of seasonal grog. Named for local geological features, the brews are available in five-ounce sampler sets for perusing palates ($6.95). Take fancy-walking taste buds on a flavor ride with the light-bodied Mt. Takhoma Blonde Ale, made with organic malted barley from British Columbia or the smooth, chocolaty Puget Sound Porter. Brown's Point ESB (Extra Special Bitter), a full-bodied amber ale, holds a reputation as the house favorite, driving the other brews to maddening jealousy.

The eclectic menu of salads, sandwiches, half-pound burgers, grill fare, and stone-baked pizza comes with handy pairing suggestions. Scale a starter of Mount Rainier Nachos ($9.99) with a pint of Brown's Point ESB and a trusty pickax, or sink human-fangs into a juicy "I Got the Blues" bleu-cheese burger ($10.99) with Point Defiance IPA. Harmon also offers brew-infused chews, such as bangers and mash (British sausages simmered in Pinnacle Peak Pale Ale with garlic mashed potatoes and sauerkraut, $12.99) and fish and chips, rolled in Japanese breadcrumbs and Pinnacle Peak Pale Ale batter ($10.99).

Groupon Says

Witches' Brewery

Nonplussed Dog's logo is a dog holding a ruler.

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While most are amazed by the sublime, majestic nature of whales, a small, paranoid minority wonders what would happen to mankind if whales had legs. Worship or worry as you see fit with today's Groupon: for $46, you get a 3.5-hour Orca-whale-watching tour from Orcas Island Eclipse Charters (a $78 value that includes the port and tax fees). Eclipse's 56-foot Orcas Express—an airy, spacious comfort cruiser with a heated cabin—has a limited supply of raincoats and binoculars on board at all times, so cetacean lovers are encouraged to bring their own cameras, binoculars, and warm clothing.

After boarding the Eclipse at the ferry landing at Orcas Island, you'll get to immerse yourself in the wild waters around the San Juan Islands, either from the ship's airy open deck or the tables of its comfy heated cabin. In addition to spotting the island's famed "killer" whales, you're liable to spot Minke whales, harbor seals, harbor porpoises, and a host of oceangoing birds such as eagles, ospreys, cormorants, and herons. As you swing by Spieden Island, you might even spot rare European and Japanese deer imported years ago for hunting. Your captain will get you as close as he can within the limits of whale-watching law and sea etiquette to the whales and their sundry sea-bros. Because Eclipse has a professional naturalist on each trip, you're almost sure to spot some scintillatingly nude dorsal fins.

United States Coast Guard–licensed master captain Dan Wilk and his wife, Denise, have more than 29 years of experience in the waters around the San Juan Islands. This pair of full-time aquatic mammals experienced a brief but intense affair with fame when they portrayed members of a Coast Guard marine patrol for the film Free Willy 2, though they were never offered another Hollywood role after they sent an Orca to accept their Academy Awards. Since then, they've dedicated themselves to providing the best possible Orca-viewing experience in the Northwest. Spend a warm, sunny day in the company of freed Willies with today's Groupon to Orcas Island Eclipse Charters.

Tours are subject to availability. Twenty-four-hour advance reservations required.

Groupon Says

Family Ties

It's time your infant became a man.

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Much like real keys, the key to discovery can be something small that opens doors to larger worlds and is easily swallowed by babies. Feed your kids that key with today’s Groupon: for $15, you get four family tickets (a $30 value) to The Children's Museum, Seattle, located inside the Seattle Center on Harrison Street.

Now in its decidedly adult 30th year, The Children’s Museum offers 22,000 square feet of hands-on educational exhibits and developmental programs designed to encourage curiosity in young, developing minds. Children can learn about different cultures in the Global Village exhibit, which features the rhythmic drumbeats of a Ghanaian village, a Filipino sari-sari market, and a ride on a runaway Japanese bullet train. The Neighborhood lets playful peanuts mimic in miniature adult activities in simulacra of grocery stores, construction zones, theaters, and restaurants before they test cause and effect in the Rube Goldbergian Cog City or jump into their favorite storybooks in Go Figure!. The youngest visitors will appreciate Discovery Bay, an interactive water exhibit where toddlers can make friends with seaweed and engage in quixotic staring contests with fish. Budding prodigies, meanwhile, can develop their artistic skills in Imagination Studio by painting, working with clay, and sculpting masterpieces from recycled materials.

Every day, museum educators offer informal educational programs to help kids sharpen their minds, be they fresh out of the womb or pushing double digits. Themes change monthly at the museum. During June’s garden-growing phase, watch out for flowers, bugs, and dirt. Uncover the secrets behind water’s agreeable personality traits and frightening mood swings in July, or explore the world of animals in August. At The Children’s Museum, Seattle, youngsters of all ages will find something that holds their attention longer than video games or authoritative conch shells.

Must redeem entire family pack in one visit.

Groupon Says

Interactivities

Finally, a children's museums that doesn't encourage children to eat handfuls of pennies.

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Ohana's got the next best thing! With today's deal, $40 gets you a Luau Party for 6 or more at Ohana in Belltown! Your party package includes:

- A Fresh Flower Lei for the guest of honor
- Pupu Platter
- Large order of Edamame
- A choice of dessert for the guest of honor
- Pooka Shell Leis for everyone in the party

If the deal tips, Ohana will include an order of their tasty Spam Musubi ($86 total value!). It's the perfect way to celebrate birthdays, bon voyages, welcome backs, or just to celebrate someone special.

Surround your guest of honor with 6 or more of your friends and give them some luau love! Put on Israel Kamakawiwo'ole's version of "Over the Rainbow" to get in the mood, and sip some fruity drinks at Ohana's tiki bar. The best cure for the bad weather blues? Guaranteed getting lei'd.

Phone: 206-956-9329

Walk into Ohana and forget you live in the rainy, overcast Northwest. For over 10 years, this Japanese-Hawaiian restaurant has been keeping Belltown happy with its bamboo booths and tables, a traditional tiki bar (thatched roof and all), kitschy Hawaiian décor, and fun tropical drinks that will knock your grass skirt off.

Ohana’s menu is an eclectic mix of contemporary Hawaiian and Japanese foods like the freshest Sushi, Bentos and Robata, Lumpias, Mahi Mahi Tacos, Spicy Fried Rice, Loco Moco & Kalua Pork--all local favorites. Make sure to try their Spam Musubi--grilled slices of original recipe Spam on top of blocks of rice & wrapped with nori, lightly drizzled with Mom's Teriyaki Sauce.

Aloha Catering also available.

$25 Gift Certificate to Gambas for $12.50

Gambas
Gambas Website
Belltown
2230 Third Ave
Seattle WA 98121
728-5092